When Someone You Love Has Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia symptoms includes more than widespread pain alone. Many people also experience fatigue, sleep disruption, brain fog, headaches, pain sensitivity, joint pain, numbness and tingling, morning stiffness, tight muscles, digestive symptoms, and increased sensitivity to light, noise, and smell.
Symptoms may overlap with other chronic pain conditions and can shift over time. Understanding the full symptom picture can help people feel more prepared, validated, and informed when seeking care.
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A few things we hope you'll understand
Fibromyalgia involves changes in pain and sensory processing.
Fibromyalgia is a nervous system disorder involving changes in how the body processes pain and other sensory signals. The pain is real, even though there may be no visible injury and routine tests may look normal. Fibromyalgia is now understood as a form of nociplastic pain.
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It's more than pain.
Fatigue, unrefreshing sleep, difficulty concentrating or finding words ("fibro fog"), and increased sensitivity to things such as touch, sound, light, or temperature can all be part of fibromyalgia. Many people also live with other health conditions including Chronic Overlapping Pain Conditions.
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Symptoms can change from day to day.
Someone may be able to go out, exercise, work, or attend an event one day and struggle with those same activities another day. This variability is part of the illness. A good day doesn't mean fibromyalgia has gone away, and a difficult day doesn't necessarily mean someone is getting worse.
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Energy can be limited.
Everyday activities may require more energy than you realize. People with fibromyalgia often have to make choices about where to use that energy and may need to change plans, rest, or pace activities.
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Finding the right management approach takes time.
There isn't one treatment that works for everyone with fibromyalgia. Finding the right combination of medical care, movement, sleep strategies, self-management skills, and other approaches can take time.
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Managing fibromyalgia is often a process of trial and learn—trying an approach, noticing what helps and what doesn't, and using what you learn to guide the next step. Over time, this can help your loved one build a personalized toolkit of strategies that work best for them.
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It also takes courage and energy to find and build a healthcare team that feels like the right fit. Developing trusting relationships with healthcare providers can help your loved one feel supported as they make decisions about their care and consider trying new treatments.
Trying something new isn't always easy.
If your loved one has already tried treatments that didn't help—or made them feel worse—the thought of trying yet another thing can be stressful. Starting a new medication, treatment, exercise program, diet, or other approach can involve uncertainty, effort, expense, side effects, and the possibility of another disappointment.
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You may come across treatments or strategies that you want to share, and that's okay. It can be helpful to ask, “I saw something that made me think of you. Would you like me to send it to you?” Then let your loved one decide whether they want to explore it.
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What helped one person with fibromyalgia may not help another. A success story online can offer hope or an idea to discuss with a healthcare provider, but it isn't a guarantee of the same result for your loved one.
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Supporting their choices—including when they're not ready to try something new—is an important part of supporting them.
How you can help
Listen and believe them.
You don't need to have all the answers. Sometimes listening without trying to fix the problem is exactly what someone needs. This is a lifeline, especially when others, including healthcare providers or employers, express disbelief.
Ask what would be helpful.
Everyone experiences fibromyalgia differently. Rather than assuming what your loved one needs, ask. What helps one day may be different from what helps another.
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Be flexible.
Symptoms can change unexpectedly. Plans may need to change depending on how your loved one is feeling. Your understanding and flexibility can take some of the pressure out of difficult days.
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Celebrate progress.
Notice and appreciate progress without expecting every day to look the same. With fibromyalgia, progress isn't always a straight line.
A note from us
For nearly three decades, we've heard from people living with fibromyalgia about how much it means when someone they love makes an effort to understand what they're experiencing.
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So if you're reading this because someone you care about has fibromyalgia, thank you for being here.
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You don't have to understand exactly what fibromyalgia feels like to make a difference. Listening, learning, believing, and walking alongside someone can be powerful forms of support.
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And remember that your relationship is about much more than fibromyalgia. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is simply continue to be the partner, family member, or friend you've always been.
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— The Fibromyalgia Association
